Posted by Andrew on Nov 27, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- Sarah Palin is reportedly signing a book deal worth $7 million. Luckily it’ll be banned in 49 states.
- Carson Daly helped host MTV’s TRL’s final episode, where Teens mobbed Times Square to wish it goodbye. Carson said it felt weird to be on a show that actually has fans.
- It’s been officially announced. The pregnant “man” is pregnant again. I’ll let everyone in on a HUGE secret. “He” is a “she.”
- A new study reports that girls are catching up with boys in math and science, closing the gender gap. Guys in computer science and calculus classes across America just did a fist pump. This may be THE year they meet a girl!
- A Rand Corp. study has determined there may be a link between teen-pregnancy and girls and boys who were exposed to high levels of sexual content on TV. To combat this dilemma, its recommended all teenagers be kept to a strict regiment of watching Larry King & Martha Stewart.
- Canadian actress Colby Smulders is expecting a child with American comedian Taran Killam. Those clever Canadians, having babies so they don’t get deported…
Posted by Andrew on Nov 13, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- A recent study from Alaska has determined that higher taxes on alcohol result in fewer accidents. If only they raised alcohol taxes again sooner and saved poor Bristol.
- Adrienne Bailon, one of the Cheetah Girls, had created a hoax by releasing nude pictures of herself and claimed them to be stolen. Oh-no, nude pictures released on the internet as a stunt to help someones career, I’m shocked, that never happens!
- During a recent trip to Las Vegas, Tila Tequila admits she may have hooked up with Justin Long, the Mac guy, but she can’t remember exactly. The Vista guy crosses his fingers as he waits for the news, his diabolical plan, that perhaps the Mac has gotten an incurable “worm,” and will take him down off his high horse, once and for all!
Posted by Andrew on Nov 6, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- While many states across the US voted blue, many strongly held Republican states remained red. What was the voters number one concerns? That Obama would spend their tax money on fuzzy dice and spinners.
- It’s been revealed that mid-summer both Obama’s and McCain’s campaign computers were hacked, possibly looking for future policy information. Unfortunately for the hackers, all they could find on McCain’s computers was a document with a list of all the Sizzler and Home Town Buffet’s.
- A huge blizzard has moved into the Dakotas, blanketing the entire states in snow. Fortunately for the residents, they’re used to seeing nothing but white.
- A new testosterone patch is being put to the test to help women post-menopause have a better sex life. Who’s ready for Martha Stewart Does Dallas? Anyone?
Posted by Andrew on Oct 30, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- Joe Wurzelbacher, most famously known as ‘Joe the Plumber’ on McCain’s campaign trail, has been picked up by a PR firm, and is in talks to produce a country album. No punchline needed.
- Paris Hilton has recently traveled to London to film a British version of her MTV show, My New B.F.F. It’s comforting to know that beyond our differences in handling violence and sex, our citizens share a common interest, crap TV.
- Joaquin Phoenix has announced his retirement from Hollywood, at the young age of 34. Well crap, there goes any chances for the sequel, Signs 2: Merrill Swings Harder. I’m sure if in 6 months there would be NO chance of him returning… yeah, uh huh.
- It has been revealed that Kate Hudson is now dating Baron Davis, an NBA player who was recently transferred to the LA Clippers. It’s comforting to know that no matter how much time Kate may take away from Baron practicing, the Clippers can’t suck any harder.
Posted by Andrew on Oct 23, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- A beauty queen lost her title this week when she dine-and-dashed and forgot her purse, which contained weed inside. When she went back to get it, police arrested her and her friends. Hmm she forgot her purse. One has to ask, is there a pattern of forgetfulness lately? I’m sure its just the tiara and sash…
- Elisabeth Hasselbeck, a co-host on The View, has agreed to help out Sarah Palin on the campaign trail in Florida. Apparently Palin was impressed with Elisabeth’s views and felt that she had the credentials to speak in favor of her ticket. And why not, when a former contestant of SURVIVOR speaks, you listen!
- This is from Imdb because I thought it was fitting: “NBC “accidentally” deleted the second half of the title of the film Zack and Miri Make a Porno during an ad that ran on Saturday Night Live. Kevin Smith said the words “Make a Porno” had originally been removed in preparation for an NFL telecast, after the NFL objected to them. Smith pointedly noted that while the NFL demands “family-friendly” ads, it has no problems with erectile dysfunction ads.
- Tobey Maguire has signed up for Spider-man 4 & 5. His enemies will be the green greedy CEO and the two-girls-one-cup gremlin.
- A page out of the ‘I can’t believe it’ file, 20th Century Fox is making the video game ‘The Sims‘ into a movie. The producer’s plan on giving the film a much more authentic feel, by removing the blur when the characters use the bathroom!
Posted by Andrew on Oct 16, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
- The jury has been selected to decide on Britney Spears’ fate regarding her misdemeanor when she was caught driving without a license. Apparently Britney isn’t required to attend the hearings, which I don’t know why she wouldn’t show up, I’d think she’d feel quite at home. *Queue the Banjo music.*
- Wild rumors had been circulating the internet that Tom Cruise fell to his death in New Zealand. His publicist dispelled the rumors, describing that ‘Tom is Alive and well.’ He explained that Tom was simply attending a Scientology potluck on Mars. (Tom brought potato salad… store bought incase you were wondering).
- Vanessa Hudgens pulled a prank on her boyfriend Zac Efron when he was a guest on Leno, by submitting a video of him performing in a high school play. Efron also fessed up to a prank; he was the one who released nude pictures of Hudgens on the net. Surprise!
- Billy Bob Thornton has denied reports that he’s the blame for the breakup of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny’s marriage. He insists that him and the actress are just pals. In unrelated news, Billy Bob will soon be shooting his new movie, “Homewrecker.”
Posted by Andrew on Oct 9, 2008 in
Thirsty Thursday 
Welcome to the first installment of Thirsty Thursday, where I fill your mug by mocking celebrity gossip and industry news. Drink up.
- Miley Cyrus had her sweet 16 birthday party at Disneyland this week. Up on stage she shared her celebration with her 20 year old boyfriend. Mickey, a minor, and birthday cake, I think Michael Jackson started getting jealous.
- Steve Carrell has now inked a 3-picture deal with Warner Brothers. He has stated that they won’t necessarily be vehicles for him to star in, but simply great films. In other news, their first production will be I Love Lamp: The Brick Tamland Story.
- After denying reports that they were back together, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have now announced they are back together. First they aren’t, now they are, I think the real question on everyones minds is – is it Facebook official?
- There’s a 4th Jason Bourne film currently slated for release in 2010. The plot follows Bourne as he hunts down a studio executive who doesn’t understand going out on top before you start sucking. (See Back to the Future 3, POTC 2 & 3, the list never ends…)
- WGA has issued a statement out to all its members warning them not to work on the Osbournes new comedy-variety show, due to failed negotiations with its productions company. I’d imagine the Osbournes are disappointed by this, since they obviously feel that there isn’t enough crap on TV yet.